


Best Laid Plans Not Sober

by EmeraldHeiress



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Under the Red Hood
Genre: Big Brother Jason, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Don't copy to another site, Gen, Jason is clueless, Jason-Centric, Lies, Manipulation, OMG the LIES, Platonic Relationships, Protective Bruce Wayne, Rescue, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 03:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20959589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldHeiress/pseuds/EmeraldHeiress
Summary: The line opened. A sleepy voice answered, “Wayne.”“Hi, Dad.” Jason greeted softly. A sharp intake of breath on the other side of the line. “Don’t be mad.” He pleaded, “I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want to hear from me until after Talia’s done training me.” His voice hitched. “I just miss you an’ the manor an’ Alfred. An’ I wanted to let you know that I get it now. I know why you sent me away after… after Ethiopia. I know I wasn’t a good Robin. Kinda hard to miss the point you were making after this whole Murder 101 tour T’s got me on.”“Jay?” The voice on the other line sounded odd but Jason forged ahead.





	Best Laid Plans Not Sober

Jason stood on the balcony of his Munich hotel room. He’d just finished with his latest _tutor_ and he’d never felt filthier. He played with the burner phone in his hand, punching in and erasing the number. Finally, he took a breath and pressed send.

He shifted a bit as the line rang. Why was he doing this? Self-flagellation? He was just going to get his ass in trouble. Fuck, he wanted a cigarette.

The line opened. A sleepy voice answered, “Wayne.”

“Hi, Dad.” Jason greeted softly. A sharp intake of breath on the other side of the line. “Don’t be mad.” He pleaded, “I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want to hear from me until after Talia’s done training me.” His voice hitched. “I just miss you an’ the manor an’ Alfred. An’ I wanted to let you know that I get it now. I know why you sent me away after… after Ethiopia. I know I wasn’t a good Robin. Kinda hard to miss the point you were making after this whole Murder 101 tour T’s got me on.”

“_Jay_?” The voice on the other line sounded odd but Jason forged ahead.

“I get it. I do. An’ I’m glad you’ve got Tim now to be a good Robin. I hope when I’m allowed to come home I can meet him. We can’t be worse than them, right? That’s the lesson? Because there’s an awful lot of _them_ in the world, Dad. It’s hard.” Jason breathed. “I don’t want to do this anymore, Dad. Not the training. I get that. Need that. I mean the lethal stuff… but I will because I know it’s what you sent me to her for and I’m gonna make you proud a’me. I won’t call again. I just want to say that I love you. Give Alfred my love, too, okay?”

“Jason, wait!”

Jason ended the call and stared at the phone for a moment, wishing he could have said more, heard more, but he had already broken the rules. Before Bruce had the chance to call him back, he removed the SIM and battery then destroyed the phone like he’d been taught. He wouldn’t fool himself into thinking Talia wouldn’t find out. Bruce would probably tell her himself, especially if he got the outcome he was hoping for.

He moved from the balcony and began packing. The transport team would be here soon and he’d hear about it if he held them up.

4,100 miles away several people were receiving rushed wake up calls.

_________________

He’d just settled into his next assigned tutor in Shanghai when the transport team had come again. He’d barely had time to unpack and learn his schedule before he was bundled off to who knows where. He didn’t know why. Even if his request was being taken seriously, he hadn’t been learning anything lethal with his latest teacher. Zhang Wei had been expanding his acrobatics and urban movement.

He’d quietly checked in with Mr. Zhang before they pushed him into the car, making sure he hadn’t done anything the man had considered offensive. He had been just as confused and more than a little annoyed. He didn’t like having his students taken from him. Especially ones as promising as Jason.

He spent three weeks on a private island in the Bahamas studying infiltration tactics from former freedom fighters before they came again.

Six days in Sweden.

Ten in Egypt.

He managed a full month in Japan before Talia pulled him unexpectedly again.

Then, Jason got to discover that there was fucking _snow_ in _Austrailia_. In _July_. None of those words went together in his head. It just did not compute... To be fair, all he ever really knew of Austraila was that everything there was out to kill you, _except_ the giant fuck off spider that looks like it _should_ be killing you.

He wasn't there long enough to discover much else as he was shuttled off to Russia.

_Russia_.

Jason _fucking hated_ Russia.

He was tired of getting jerked around. He hadn’t finished training with anyone in a couple of months and some of those lessons were actually pretty interesting. It was also really, incredibly rude to the teachers she had found.

Oh, he didn’t give a shit about most of them, but the ones like Mr. Zhang didn’t deserve the disrespect. He didn’t know what the hell was going on, but he intended to find out the next time they pulled him. Given the recent pattern, he figured he’d only be here maybe a week.

He was right but his demands to speak with Talia fell on deaf ears. If asked, he would resolutely say that he did _not_ pout as he was ushered onto the private jet. He wouldn’t be lying but only on a technicality. The emotion was there even if he had long ago learned to blank the expression.

He sighed and curled up in his seat, leaning against the window. It wouldn’t be long until they came to sedate him so he just closed his eyes and waited. Sure enough, in short order, he felt hands on his wrist. He let them manipulate his arm where they needed to and no longer even flinched as the needle bit into his skin.

They never let him fly awake. He wished he knew why. It didn’t take long before he was under.

_________________

When he woke, it was to Talia was carding fingers through his hair and his little brother working on lessons by the fireplace. Jason could hear him quietly reading to himself in Arabic, stumbling occasionally over a particularly difficult word.

It was soothing.

The small den they were in had always been one of his favorite places in the compound. A place where the three of them gathered after a day of lessons and training. A place where Jason got to be a brother.

He allowed himself to doze a little longer, enjoying the rare occasions Talia allowed herself to be soft; to be a mother rather than Daughter of the Demon. He’d missed these stolen moments while he was gone.

“I know you’re awake.” Her voice was low, pitched just for his ears.

A soft _hmm_ was his only response. He hadn’t been trying to hide it, only enjoy. The sofa was plush under him and the fire kept the chill of the desert night out.

“It is good to have you back, habibi.”

Pale blue eyes met forest green, crinkled in genuine affection. “Missed you guys.” Jason yawned, shaking off the last of the sedative.

“Akhi!” A dark head rose from dusty pages.

Talia clicked her tongue. “Finish your reading, Damian. Your brother will be here when it is complete.”

With a pout, the boy lowered his head again. Jason could see him squirming in anticipation, though. It was adorable.

“They give me an extra large dose or something?” The teen asked, yawning again as he sat up. He felt more sluggish than usual after a flight.

An irritated look crossed Talia’s face, “Unfortunately, yes. It has been taken care of.”

“Ah.” He reached over behind the couch and rang the bell pull. “So what’s up?”

He felt her glower on the back of his neck. “I know you can speak properly.”

With a roll of his eyes, Jason corrected himself. “Why have you brought me back to Nanda Parbat?” He turned to face her directly. “For that matter, what was with jerking me around the last few months?”

She grimaced, both at his phrasing and the subject matter. “You had a tail.”

He gaped. “What? Who? Why?”

Green eyes seemed to pierce his very soul, “Can you not imagine, habibi, anyone that would wish to harm you? Anyone that might wish for revenge on you… or perhaps your father?”

He had no answer. Or rather, he had _too many_ answers. Someone had been tracking him? Following him? All these months?

“Regardless, I brought you home for safety. When we eliminate the threat we will resume your outside lessons. For now… Well, I thought you might want to take over some of your brother’s training.”

_________________

In those soft, quiet moments in the den, Jason almost forgot what stone cold solid bitch Talia could be.

Watching her negotiate a cutthroat trade deal the next morning, followed by deftly designing and ordering the assassination of a political leader reminded him exactly what he didn’t like about the League of Shadows. Why he couldn’t wait to get home.

He knew that the diamond hard edge she bore was the result of living under Ra’s, the Demon’s Head. That being the Daughter of the Demon meant that she’d had to be ruthless and cunning. That she had to hide her softer side. Her human side. Not just from the world but from her father, too.

Jason was glad that old bastard stayed in a different section of the compound and never really deigned to lay eyes on “the mongrel” that his daughter was teaching.

Jason had seen him precisely twice in his memory. Since waking at the compound, anyway. He got a short visit after rousing from the coma. That mostly consisted of a sneer from afar as he spoke with Talia.

The second had been promptly after he’d saved Damian’s life.

That visit had been… unsettling.

Jason pushed the memory to the back of his mind and continued planning out what he was going to teach his little brother. He had to go for biggest impact in shortest time period. Who knew how long he was going to be here?

He thought he knew where he wanted to start.

_________________

Jason and Damian were in the training yard running through katas when the explosions started. Within moments they were surrounded by Talia’s personal guard and herded into the compound. “I can fight!” Jason insisted. “I can help!”

“Mistress Talia’s orders.” Was the only reply he received. He growled, frustrated, but followed without further protest. There were enough warriors in the compound that they didn’t honestly need him.

Besides, the runt would need a distraction.

So, he spent the next 30 minutes annoying Damian in one of the interior dojos. Their guards slowly dwindled as they were called away and into the battle. Jason began to get… concerned. He had Damian repeating the same move and making minute corrections while he prepared for whatever might come in the door. When he was as ready as he thought he could get, he called the 7 year old over.

“Damian, I need you to hide.”

“Hiding is for cowards.”

“You’re seven.” The teen said flatly, unimpressed. “Anyone who walks through that door already went through the rest of the League. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor and living to fight another day is the only plan available.” How many cliches could he spout today? Whatever kept the gremlin from getting himself killed. “Show me, where’s the best place to hide if someone bursts in the door?”

Damian looked around in thought for a moment before taking a running leap and bouncing off the wall and up to the rafters. From there, he swung up and crouched in the shadowed spot in the corner of the ceiling. Fuck, kid was right. It was perfect. He’d completely disappeared.

Just in time as there was a crash against the door. Jason readied his sword and took a position next to the portal, ready to strike as the intruder crossed the threshold. Another purposeful kick from the other side and the latch gave way.

Batman strode through the door and into the dojo.

“B?” Jason asked, bewildered, lowering his sword slightly. “What are you doing here? Helping the League with whoever’s attacking?”

“Jason.” The man stood and looked at him for a moment before he beckoned. “Come with me.”

“Yeah, no.” It could be anyone wearing that face. “How did you meet me?”

Batman’s lips twitched in amusement or maybe annoyance. “You stole the tires off the batmobile. I caught you working on the fourth. You threw the tire iron at me, called me a big boob, and took off.”

“Yeah.” Jason nodded, smirking at the memory, and sheathed his sword. Christ, though, off all times to see Bruce again it had to be now. “Squirt, B’s here. Let’s go.” Jason walked over and held his arms out for Damian.

“Akhi.” The boy whispered, “Are you sure?”

“It’s _Dad_.” The teen said, exasperated. “Come on.” The boy gave him an uneasy look but lowered himself into his brother’s arms. Once his feet were back on the ground, Jason looked to Bruce. “We’re ready.”

The man nodded and lead the two through the hallways to one of the lesser used courtyards. Jason wanted to ask all kinds of questions. What was Bruce _doing _here? Who was attacking? Why was he taking them away from the fighting? (Wasn’t this what Jason was supposed to be training for?) It was only that training that allowed the teen to keep his mouth shut and focus on getting Damian safe and following orders.

Jason kept a tight hold on the boy’s shoulder and a sharp eye on their surroundings as they went. He couldn’t see any signs of the invaders but the odd explosion still sounded from the other side of the building and they passed the occasional unconscious League member.

Jason followed Bruce onto the waiting batwing without hesitation but Damian balked. Bruce watched, impatiently, as the situation was handled. Jason could see the coiled tension in the man’s body. He hurried to reassure his brother and move things along.

“It’s okay, habibi.”

The boy shifted uncomfortably. “Jay…”

“What else are we going to do?” Jason asked, softly. “We can go with _Batman_ or we can go back into the compound and into whatever mess that is.”

“Mother-”

“Would want you safe.” The teen said firmly. He was about 75% sure he was right on that. Sometimes Talia could be a tricky read and he _was_ running off with Batman and her son. “Where else is safer?” Damian sighed and followed, sticking close to Jason’s side. Bruce headed to the pilot’s seat as the auto sequence was already in progress, closing the doors and getting them off the ground and out of the courtyard.

It was quick work to strap the boy in but Damian was still anxious and required Jay’s attention. Truthfully, he was thankful for it, as it meant he could continue to avoid any awkwardness with Bruce.

He knelt in front of the boy’s seat, keeping him focused and talking to him, telling him how _well_ he was doing and how _proud_ he was. It was the first time Damian had been in this type of situation outside of training. Adding in unfamiliar people, like his _father_, and unknown technology was only serving to stress him out further.

The bay doors opened again and Jason watched as Nightwing and the new Robin and Batgirl swung in. Dick froze as he made eye contact with Jason but Robin gently shoved him out of the way of the closing doors and towards the seats. The man stumbled his way over to the two.

“Holy shit…” Dick breathed, “Holy shit, it’s actually you!”

Bemused, Jason asked, “Why wouldn’t it be me?”

“_Jay…_” Dick pulled the teen to his feet.

“Hey, what the hell-” His protests were cut off as his was smothered in a hug. He resisted for a couple of seconds before he grudgingly gave in and gingerly hugged the man back. He would never admit it, but he’d always kind of liked it when Dick got physically affectionate. After about thirty seconds and no sign of it letting up, though, he was growing uncomfortable. He gently tried to shove at a shoulder. Nothing. “Uh, Dick?”

“_Shh_.” The hug tightened.

“Dick, lemme go!”

“Nope!”

“Hey, you, Tim, right?” Robin arched a brow, “Help?”

Robin smirked and shook his head. “Oh no. That’s all yours man.”

“Batgirl, come on, gimme a hand.”

A sharp grin was her only response. He gave up and suffered for another few seconds before Dick was ready to be done. He received a hair ruffle for his trouble as they parted. “Little Wing, you got _big_.”

Jay shrugged uncomfortably, not really having a response to that, and turned to check in on Damian again as the other three stripped gear and quietly conversed. Looked like the kid decided meditation was his best way through. He approved. He gently ran a hand through black hair and bit back a yawn. It was going to his turn for an adrenaline crash soon.

Assessing eyes flowed over him and he was handed a bottle of water by Batgirl. “Drink.”

“Yes, mother.” He snarked.

She glared and gently rapped his chest with her knuckles in a familiar gesture, “Little brother. Drink.”

He squinted his eyes at her, trying to fill in the blanks the mask left on her face. His expression smoothed and he grinned as he recognized her. Shit, she _talked_ now. That was just Baskin Robbins 32 flavors of _amazing_. He was glad _she_ was apparently the one Talia traded for him.

He allowed himself to relax some of tight control over his body language. He wanted her to read his joy for her. “I’m pretty sure I’m older than you, Cassandra.”

“Doesn’t matter!” She declared, smirking. “Little brother!” She answered his other statement with an affectionate squeeze around his wrist.

He shook his head, amused. “You can’t make me younger by sheer force of will.” She glared behind her mask but relented when he did as she originally asked and took a long draw of the water. He rolled his eyes at the sharp bitter aftertaste. Great. Hopefully it was just a sedative. He lowered his voice, “Kid’s gonna freak out if he can’t wake me up.”

She eyed the half full bottle. “Four more mouthfuls. Rest for him.”

Jason nodded, suspicions confirmed, and finished his dose. He crouched down in front of Damian again, gently rousing him from his meditation. “Hey, kid, I need you to drink this.” The seven year old eyed him suspiciously. “Mild sedative.” Jason confirmed. “I took it too.”

He could feel eyes on them, watching his interactions with Damian. Disapproval that he’d told him about the doctored water. Like he was going to break the kid’s trust on that when he could just coax him into drinking it. He just barely resisted rolling his eyes.

“The fact that you are an imbecile does not mean that I need to follow your example.” Damian bit out.

“Damian. When have I ever put you in danger? When have I ever encouraged you to do something that would harm you? All this will do is make it easier to handle the rest of the flight. You know I wouldn’t have taken it if it wasn’t safe.” Damian looked unsure. “Trust me?” The boy glared at Jason for the emotional blackmail but drank the water. He grimaced at the aftertaste. “Yeah, I’d say Cassandra owes us a milkshake, wouldn’t you?”

“Cassandra?” Damian asked in surprise, twisting in his seat to look. Mask now off, she wriggled her fingers in the boy’s direction in greeting, a soft smile on her face. “At least I’m in better hands than yours.”

“Ah, you’re breaking my heart, kid.” Jason groaned in mock pain. “Come on.” He unbuckled Damian and motioned for him to get up.

“What?”

“There’s not enough seats for everyone on the ‘wing. Since you and I are going to be out of it in a few minutes, we can share.” It took a minute but the two of them arranged themselves on the seat with both of them leaning against the wall. Damian was draped over Jason’s lap, head pillowed on his shoulder. (Dick got lots of pictures.)

The boy was out in moments. Jason drifted a bit longer; drugs just didn’t work on him the same after the coma. Just as he was falling off, he felt knuckles brush his cheek and fingers in his hair, a hand too large to be Dick’s.

A mumurred voice, “He’s here. He’s real.”

Sometime during the flight he began to rouse. He heard Cassandra’s voice, pitched low but concerned. Firm hands skated over his wrist. Without being asked, he merely held it out his arm. A moment later, he felt the sting of a needle and he was out once more.

The next time he woke, he felt so comfortable and so at peace it took him a good solid five minutes to figure out where he was as he was so disoriented and unused to the sensation. Once he did, he just... laid there... for another ten absorbing the feeling of Damian pressed against his side, the smell of the manor, and the light floating through the curtains in his room. _His room_.

After that, however, his bladder was insistent. Sighing he carefully extracted himself from his little brother. Their weapons were conspicuously absent, a fact that did not surprise Jason, as there was a pretty solid ‘no weapons upstairs’ rule imposed by Alfred. He imagined they would find them downstairs in the armory. It did, however, make him a bit uneasy. He hadn’t been unarmed for more than moments at a time for ages now. Damian had likely always carried his blades. He wouldn’t like this.

Shaking his head, he slipped into the en suite and found a change of clothing for both of them. Bruce’s by the look for him, some of his own outgrown clothing for Dami. They’d do well until they could get their own. He showered, checked the time and went about waking the younger boy.

He had been right.

Damian nearly pitched a fit. It was only Damian’s conditioning to obey and respect his trainers (of which his older brother was _thankfully_ now one of) that cut off the shouting before it began.

It took some coaxing to get a petulant Damian in the shower. It was only with the promise that Jason would be on guard did he finally manage to make it happen. He wanted to be frustrated, after all this was home, _safe_.

But Jason understood only too well.

Not only had Damian grown up in the League, where jockeying for position was constant (and deadly) but his entire world had been upset in the last 18 hours.

Also, he kinda loved his little brother and if sitting outside the bathroom door for 15 minutes while he took a shower made him feel safer, it was 15 minutes well spent. It, perhaps, made him feel better, too.

(He was studiously working to ignore his own unease. Without the reassuring weight of his weapons on his hips, his instincts were screaming at him that he was unarmed and easy prey. He was not unaffected by his time in the League.)

Soon enough, however, the teen was leading the boy to the dining room for breakfast. They found Tim at the table when they arrived, Alfred serving him pancakes.

Damian looked over the scene and imperiously announced, “Butler. I will have pancakes as well.”

Jason winced and his face heated as Alfred arched a brow at the boy. Tim narrowed his eyes._ Oh, god. This kid_.

“Damian,” Jason started firmly as he knelt to look him in the eye, “this is Alfred Pennyworth.”

The boy’s grew wide and he looked at Jason in confusion, “I thought Alfred was our grandfather.”

“He is.” Jason affirmed.

He saw the older man place a hand to his chest out of the corner of his eye and his heart ached. He wanted to go to him... but making sure Damian understood was more pressing.

“Then why is he _serving_, akhi?” The boy demanded. “He should not be lowering himself to such a position!”

“Alfred serves because he loves us.” Jason explained patiently, cheeks still a swath of red but slowly fading. “He wants to take care of us and make sure we’re healthy. It’s how he shows his love.”

Damian tilted his head in thought. “Like when you killed the lion.” There was a sharp intake of breath from the table. Tim. Jason felt the flush renew. Great. That was the last piece of information he needed floating around the manor.

“Like when I killed the lion.” Jason affirmed with a resigned nod. “I’m a protector, like Dad. Alfie’s a carer. People have different ways of showing their love. It’s not the only way they show it, but typically it’s what comes more naturally.”

“I understand.” The boy lowered his head. “I am sorry.”

“It’s not me you need to tell.” Jason chastised softly, “Either way, even if Alfie was staff and not family, I _know_ I taught you better manners than that.”

“But Mother-”

“Is not here.” He stated firmly. He knew what kind of image they had to keep there. Knew what Talia said. “This is not Nanda Parbat. You do not have an image to uphold.” Jason continued, “Even when you do, manners are not a detriment to that image. Do you understand?”

“Not entirely.” The boy admitted. “But I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask. I will never demand more than your best effort.” Jason rose and pushed Damian gently towards Alfred. The boy took the hint.

“I am sorry for my rudeness, _Jidee_. I am very glad to finally meet you.” He glanced back to his big brother and shyly added, “I have heard a lot about you.”

“I am very glad to meet you, too, Master Damian.” The older man said carefully, leaning down and placing a hand lightly on his shoulder. “You are forgiven.”

“Thank you.”

Alfred looked to Jason, an unreadable expression on his face. Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, Alfred.” He smiled a bit ruefully, “He gets that from his mother.”

“Akhi!”

“You do.” Jason retorted. “Find a seat, brat.” He waved to the table before turning his attention back to the old butler. “Can I lend a hand?”

“I would like nothing more.” The adults headed through the door to the kitchen, leaving Tim and Damian at the table.

“He is Master Bruce’s, is he not?” Alfred asked, pulling Jason’s favorite tea from the cabinet and setting it next to the kettle for the teen.

“Damn, B didn't even tell you?” The older man filed the comment away for later consideration. ”Yeah. He looks just like him, doesn’t he?”

“He does.” The man turned fond eyes on the teen, “You have done a fine job with him.”

Jason’s ears heated and he muttered something unflattering about Talia. He loved the woman but _damn_. “I do what I can.”

“You are very close.”

“Mm.” Jay waved a hand negligently as he started the water boiling and put a few more pancakes on the griddle. “The way Damian tells it, he’s what brought me out of the coma.” He stated absently, not noticing the jolt of surprise from the man slicing fruit behind him.

“I spent a lot of my initial training at the compound with Dami, under Talia’s direct supervision. It was only the last year she started sending me abroad.” He explained. “I think Ra’s didn’t like my influence over the kid.”

He pulled down some cups from the cabinet. “Then someone started following me and Talia pulled me back to the compound. That’s where B came in, I guess.” He turned to look at the man, “I’d like to talk to him about that, actually. Is he around today?”

Alfred shook his head slowly. “I’m very sorry, Master Jason.” He said with genuine regret. “Master Bruce has been severely neglecting his duties with the company lately and absolutely could not get out of several meetings today. He tried most vehemently.”

“It’s fine.” Jason said, a little flabbergasted, “I can wait.”

“Your homecoming is important, Jason.” The butler said firmly, dropping the customary ‘Master’ to make his point. He walked around the island to stand in front of him. “You are important.”

“Yeah, sure.” The teen said, uncomfortably. What the hell? He was essentially just visiting until they got things sorted, right? He was gonna be sent back.

“You were very much missed.” The man said gently, tugging him in a tight embrace. Jason stiffened, surprised, but quickly relaxed and hugged the man back.

“I really missed you, Alfie.” He whispered, backs of his eyes pricking. He buried his face in the man’s shoulder to staunch the tears before they came. It didn’t work. Warm hands ran soothingly up his back as he cried silently. When he’d gotten himself under control again, he stepped away to check on the pancakes, looking anywhere but Alfred.

The kettle whistled and Alfred prepared the tea, silently giving Jason his space. The boy had always been defensive about his emotions and it was best to let him reinitiate conversation on his own than to try to press.

“If you want to hug Damian,” Jason softly offered as he plated the food, “you’re going to need to initiate it. He won’t be comfortable reaching out. It’s not encouraged in the League.”

“Thank you for telling me.” Alfred placed the tea and fruit on a tray. The plate of pancakes followed and Jason hastened to pick up the whole thing before Alfred could. He ignored the look he got or his trouble and elbowed his way out of the kitchen and back into the family dining room.

“-never snuck out of the compound again.” Damian finished his sentence. Tim looked half enraptured, half sick to stomach, a pancake hanging off his fork.

“Do I even want to know?” Jason asked as he unloaded the tray and set it at the end of the table, placing tea in easy reach of the youngest.

“No!” Damian was quick to assure him.

“I asked about the lion.” Tim admitted.

“_No_.” Jason said firmly. “We do _not_ tell stories of the lion. It was not some glorious battle. Kid snuck out and nearly got eaten. I handled it. That’s all that matters.”

“That’s not the way that Damian tells it.”

“Damian was 5 years old and only remembers enough to know why he shouldn’t sneak out of the compound or go out without an adult. Anything else is hyperbole he’s convinced himself is true.”

“How dare you impune my skills of recollection!” The boy whined as the elder sat next to him and received only a side glare for his trouble.

“Drink your da_-arn_ tea and tell Tim about something else. Like your drawings.” He demanded as he served the boy two cakes and poured tea for three of them, handing Alfred the third cup.

He raised an eyebrow at Tim in question but the other boy shook his head. “I prefer coffee.”

“Heathen.” Jason teased gently. He caught Alfred smiling into his cup.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Dearly Departed" by Marianas Trench.
> 
> _Jidee_ \- Arabic for grandfather. <strike>(Please correct me if I'm wrong.)</strike> [I have been corrected. Was previously _ Jid_]
> 
> This might be slow to update. Just a warning.
> 
> Find me on tumbr @ primeemeraldheiress
> 
> Oh, credit for the phrase “Murder 101 tour” to BlackBat09 and their fic "the way i’m drinking you down".


End file.
